Thursday, July 31, 2014

The dark clouds will pass...

I have been coughing for like 3 weeks and sometimes when I gets abit better, I will get worse the next day. Today Im feeling the worst of my sickness and I finally get an MC and rest for the day. I'm supposed to be alseep now but I guess I sleep too much this afternoonn and couldnt get back to sleep. I ended up thinking alot of negative things again :(

I suddenly feeling abit lonely while just lying on my bed with my eyes wide open. Then I realised, "LONELY" is most likely the word that ruin my own life. It may be because I wanted a companion and therefore decided to be with that man. 

Alot of "what if" came into my mind. If I didnt married him, how will my life be now? Or maybe thanks to him, I found out who will really be there for me and I learn to appreciate others better. Also thanks to him, next time I will open my eyes wider, get to know a person better before deciding if he is my lifetime partner. But no thanks to him for failing to perform his duty as a husband and treating me as his object and not a wife. I dont hate you anymore but I will never forgive you what for you did and said to me. No husband in a right mind will threaten his own wife.

I hope he will wake up, be truthful to himself. So many things happen this year, my mum got dignosed with cancer and I have problems with him. All these have affect my work badly until my bosses has to change the system in my workplace. Now I can't even ask for a pay raise because im not performing up to the standard. :/ Anyway, I have decided to file for anullment and my mum is recovering after her operation.

At least, things should be getting better soon. :D I shall post a happier things on a fresh new entry :)

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